For a long time, I believed that being a good leader meant being likeable. Being the one around whom people felt comfortable. Especially in a people driven organisation like ours and it worked also initially, conversations were smooth, there were fewer disagreements and things seemed to be “under control”.
But soon things began to unravel. The easy going founder attitude landed me into situations which weren’t preferable for the organisation. There’s a kind of beauty in being kind, in being empathetic but true leadership isn’t built on comfort and that’s a story worth telling.
The Cost of Being Kind
Problems start arising when you are taken for granted, when your understanding and easy going nature is looked upon as weakness rather than compassion.
You may start saying ok when clearly it’s not. You may lower the accepted standards of quality to maintain peace or you may soften the confrontations in order to not hurt other people’s feelings.
But when kindness is overstretched, it seems to blur the boundaries. Deadlines are not taken seriously, feedback becomes worthless and the overall performance suffers.
The Never Ending Circle
You may try to end this circle but the carousel never stops turning. It’s even more difficult as a female founder. You are constantly surrounded by “self doubt”.
“Was I too harsh?”
“Did I take it too far?”
“Was I justified in doing that?”
But you must understand there’s a difference in giving people space to grow and giving them room to lower the accepted standards of quality and consistency.
You may have good intentions but organisations don’t run alone on good intentions. In the pursuit of being kind, you yourself create an environment:
✅ Where expectations become negotiable.
✅ Where accountability is shifted.
✅ Where consistency starts slipping through the cracks.
Tape the cracks
However, early realisation can change the fate of organisations. The question is how do you tape the cracks?
It starts with accepting that leadership isn’t about being liked in the moment but about building something that can be sustained in the long run, something that can stand the true test of time.
Today I no longer aim to be the most likeable person in the room, rather I aim for clarity, to be fair and to be consistent. And that sometimes may involve confronting someone or being unapologetic for doing what needs to be done or setting clear, non negotiable boundaries.
The Magic Mantra
The only magic mantra I can give you to deal with this is: JUST DO IT!
Don’t think about it too much because people or organisations don’t grow in comfortable environments, rather they grow when accepted standards of work and quality are clear, the boundaries are respected and there’s no room left for error.
One thing I have learned so far is that:
Being likeable will make you approachable, but not a leader. Work on being a leader.